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| Even Buddha had his bad days, right? |
When I began this blog, my goal was a weekly contemplation on each step of the Noble Eightfold Path, and how they may be applied to meeting our daily challenges and achieving our goals. However it's been a few weeks since my last post. This is partly due to a hectic workload, being sick, and more so, due to my own challenges in research and application of Right Speech. The research part of it was pretty easy. There are some amazing dharma talks, books, YouTube videos, podcasts, and articles on the subject (I'll be referencing some of them at the end of this post.) The difficulty was in the application!
Going into it, I thought, “Right Speech can’t be too hard, right? Just don’t say anything stupid!” Well, what if you’re someone like me whose filter works intermittently? Well, I learned that Right Speech could sometimes be easier in concept than in practice.
The week that I was going to commit pen to paper on Right Speech was a busy and stressful
workweek. It was full of challenges related to execution of task, routine, and
co-workers. The biggest frustration was from myself, when realizing that I was
struggling on the Path to navigate these challenges, and not making good on my
personal commitment to Right Speech.
Now, I put in a lot of hours reading, listening, watching, meditating, and studying about Right Speech. I came away with many great, and useful points. I learned that Buddha proclaimed Right Speech as being void of lying, gossip, idle chatter, and devisiveness. This makes total sense, as Right Speech, and Right Action are combined in the tenant of Ethics, or Morality.
The commitment, or act of Speech,
whether in a conscious internal dialogue, or outward physical conversation can
have an effect on ourselves, and those around us. If we are to engage in speech
that is Right, which is motivated to
promote unity, praise, or kindness, we have a positive effect on ourselves and
others. When we take on the Action of
Speech which contains the negative attributes that Buddha warns us of, we can create hostility towards others and ourselves.
I started this blog motivated by my passions for Buddhism, self-improvement, cartooning, writing, and Law of Attraction. Learning about the Law of Attraction, and seeing its similarities to the Noble Eightfold Path initially inspired me to dive into this research, and document my journey. I wanted to explore how the lay, or secular Buddhist practitioner can apply the Noble Eightfold Path to winning at ones goals, facing everyday challenges, and improving ones self-esteem.
As someone who lives by the mantra, "be better than you were yesterday," I try to learn and adapt everyday. Sometimes constantly... and admittedly, with little success. As a result, I feel that this blog itself should adapt in the same manner. As John Lennon sang in his song, Beautiful Boy:
I started this blog motivated by my passions for Buddhism, self-improvement, cartooning, writing, and Law of Attraction. Learning about the Law of Attraction, and seeing its similarities to the Noble Eightfold Path initially inspired me to dive into this research, and document my journey. I wanted to explore how the lay, or secular Buddhist practitioner can apply the Noble Eightfold Path to winning at ones goals, facing everyday challenges, and improving ones self-esteem.
As someone who lives by the mantra, "be better than you were yesterday," I try to learn and adapt everyday. Sometimes constantly... and admittedly, with little success. As a result, I feel that this blog itself should adapt in the same manner. As John Lennon sang in his song, Beautiful Boy:
"Life is what happens to
you while you’re busy making other plans."
I realized that, for me, Right Understanding is perhaps the most obvious step. I readily accept, and recognize everyday the origination of my suffering. Which is usually from my own actions. Right Thought turned out to be easier than I once believed. I learned that I could be mindful of the negative thoughts and guide them elsewhere. I learned that the dark, weird, or fretful thoughts will just ebb and flow, and if I put my foot down, they will be temporary visitors. They'll soon leave and be replaced with more pleasant thoughts thanks to creative visualization, and rationalization.
Now this is where Right Speech soon became a bigger challenge than I anticipated.
Despite Speech and Thought being separated within the tenants of Ethics and Wisdom, respectfully, they both seem to be quite intertwined. One who thinks negatively, or has a negative outlook on life tends to speak negatively. One of my favorite books, which I have referenced here before, The Magic Of Thinking Big by Dr. David J. Schwartz, speaks to this point very eloquently:
I realized that, for me, Right Understanding is perhaps the most obvious step. I readily accept, and recognize everyday the origination of my suffering. Which is usually from my own actions. Right Thought turned out to be easier than I once believed. I learned that I could be mindful of the negative thoughts and guide them elsewhere. I learned that the dark, weird, or fretful thoughts will just ebb and flow, and if I put my foot down, they will be temporary visitors. They'll soon leave and be replaced with more pleasant thoughts thanks to creative visualization, and rationalization.
Now this is where Right Speech soon became a bigger challenge than I anticipated.
Despite Speech and Thought being separated within the tenants of Ethics and Wisdom, respectfully, they both seem to be quite intertwined. One who thinks negatively, or has a negative outlook on life tends to speak negatively. One of my favorite books, which I have referenced here before, The Magic Of Thinking Big by Dr. David J. Schwartz, speaks to this point very eloquently:
“Words are the raw materials
of thought. When spoken or read, that amazing instrument, the mind,
automatically converts words and phrases into mind pictures. Each word, each
phrase, creates a slightly different mind picture… the pictures you create
determine how you and others react.”
This is where my struggle was during my time of contemplation
and application on this subject. I was in a place where Right Mindfulness, and Right
Speech were not working together in my favor! The stress of work was
getting to me. As I am a firm believer that we create our own environment, I had to remind myself that it was no one’s fault but my own. On the
outside, it appeared to others, and even myself, that I was frustrated, and
irritated at the actions of some of my co-workers and employees. When, in
reality, when I was able to objectively
analyze the situation after the fact, it was myself that I was truly frustrated with. I had
to ask myself, “How could I have prevented these mistakes from happening?”
“What could I have done better to train my team?” “ How could I have reacted
better, and how will I react in the future?”
This is where I believe that Right Speech is not just a rule to be practiced outwardly. It
begins as an inner dialogue. We can’t think and feel well, if we are not
speaking well to others, and to ourselves. Just as George Carlin once said in
his 1992 stand-up special, Doin’ It Again:
“…we do think in language.
And so the quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality
of our language.”
As a business manager, I try my best to practice this. I believe
that the example you set is as powerful as the actions you expect from others.
For instance, I once worked with someone who would arrive late for work each
day with shoulders slumped, and looking like he had already worked twelve rough
hours. Instead of the pleasant, motivational greeting one would expect from a
leader, he would immediately inform everyone of the tough morning he'd already
had, and how bad the rest of the day would be for him, and everyone else.
When he would remind us all of the bad day we were having, I would point out
that the challenges we had were an opportunity to show our resilience, and our
motivation towards success. In addition, I would give him "homework"
in the form of two daily routines, which I personally found helped me with my
stress, and productivity.
Those
routines were as follows:
1.
Wake up early to allow time to set the pace for
the day, so that rushing around to get ready does not cause unwanted, or
unneeded stress. During that extra time, take a moment to reflect on gratitude,
visualize accomplishing the top three priorities for the day, and most
importantly, say to yourself, "I'm going to feel great today!"
2.
Before going to bed, conclude the day by reflecting
on the day’s accomplishments, and what there is to be grateful for, and how
tomorrow will be better. Moreover, tell yourself, "I'm going to feel great
tomorrow!"
Of course, he laughed off this assignment with a flippant,
"okay, whatever, Paul!"
As a result, things did not get better for him. He continued his negative speech, and thoughts, at the cost of his career.
I give this as an example of my first-hand witness to the perils of WRONG Speech and WRONG Action. Right Understanding puts me on the path of recognizing these perils. Despite that recognition, why did I struggle? Why did I fall victim to anger? I eat right and exercise because I know that the opposite can lead to heart disease, obesity, and diabetes. Likewise, I know that WRONG Speech, WRONG Thought, and WRONG Action can lead to, and be the result of anger. Despite knowing that there is a better way of navigating the stresses and suffering of daily life, I still fell off of the path.
As a result, things did not get better for him. He continued his negative speech, and thoughts, at the cost of his career.
I give this as an example of my first-hand witness to the perils of WRONG Speech and WRONG Action. Right Understanding puts me on the path of recognizing these perils. Despite that recognition, why did I struggle? Why did I fall victim to anger? I eat right and exercise because I know that the opposite can lead to heart disease, obesity, and diabetes. Likewise, I know that WRONG Speech, WRONG Thought, and WRONG Action can lead to, and be the result of anger. Despite knowing that there is a better way of navigating the stresses and suffering of daily life, I still fell off of the path.
While Buddhism provides a path to the cessation of suffering,
it acknowledges that we do in fact suffer, and are subject to negative
conditions and emotions. It comes along with the baggage of being a human. And
while, expressing your anger may feel liberating as you let out steam, it is
not necessarily the most constructive activity for yourself and those around
you. As Thich Nhat Hanh states:
“When you express your anger
you think that you are getting anger our of your system, but that’s not true…
When you express your anger, either verbally or with physical violence, you are
feeding the seed of anger, and it becomes stronger in you.”
Or, as my favorite Buddhist, and Jedi, Yoda, once said:
“…anger
leads to hate... hate leads to suffering.”
Not to mention that it just makes others around you
uncomfortable, and perhaps, think less of you. This was something I had to
contemplate after reflecting on my failings of Right Speech, which resulted in apologies, and requests for
forgiveness. Luckily, those I spoke with where very gracious and kind to accept
my apologies.
Having put in a lot of hours reading, listening, watching,
meditating, and studying about Right
Speech, I came away with many great, and useful points, which I should have
put into practice to help prevent me from behaving and speaking like a total
ass! According to Geshe Tashi Tsering's book, Buddhist Psychology, afflictive emotion, like anger, are not the
result of situations that occur to, or around us. They are the result of our
rationalizations and attachments to our negative emotions.
The Four
Noble Truths states that attachment is the root of
suffering, and it is obvious that when we are attached to our negative
emotions, we experience suffering. Moreover, those around us suffer as a result
of our harsh words and behavior. Our words, when motivated by anger can hurt
someone (and ultimately ourselves) more so than the jab of a dagger.
Conversely, when motivated by the Buddhist nature of compassion, and
loving-kindness, our words can bring about great benefit, relief, and
happiness.
I must say, as someone who suffers from having a big mouth, of
all of the teachings that I had consumed through my struggle of Right Speech, the best lesson I learned
was from the Venerable Guan Cheng. As he states in his dharma talk about Right Speech, Right Speech is sometimes about saying nothing at all. Or, just
like my mom would tell me:
“If you don’t have anything
nice to say, don’t say it at all!”
As always, please write to me if you have any questions, suggestions,
or comments on the subject! Meanwhile, please look at a few of the great pieces
of inspiration I found during my exploration of Right Speech. I hope that you enjoy them.
Venerable Guan Cheng’s Dharma Talk on Right Speech:
Buddhist
Psychology: The Foundation of Buddhist Thought, Volume 3, by
Geshe Tashi Tsering
The
Magic Of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz, Ph.D.
Star Wars
