Right Speech is $#@&ing Hard!

Even Buddha had his bad days, right?

When I began this blog, my goal was a weekly contemplation on each step of the Noble Eightfold Path, and how they may be applied to meeting our daily challenges and achieving our goals. However it's been a few weeks since my last post. This is partly due to a hectic workload, being sick, and more so, due to my own challenges in research and application of Right Speech. The research part of it was pretty easy. There are some amazing dharma talks, books, YouTube videos, podcasts, and articles on the subject (I'll be referencing some of them at the end of this post.) The difficulty was in the application! 

Going into it, I thought, “Right Speech can’t be too hard, right? Just don’t say anything stupid!” Well, what if you’re someone like me whose filter works intermittently? Well, I learned that Right Speech could sometimes be easier in concept than in practice.

The week that I was going to commit pen to paper on Right Speech was a busy and stressful workweek. It was full of challenges related to execution of task, routine, and co-workers. The biggest frustration was from myself, when realizing that I was struggling on the Path to navigate these challenges, and not making good on my personal commitment to Right Speech.

Now, I put in a lot of hours reading, listening, watching, meditating, and studying about Right Speech. I came away with many great, and useful points. I learned that Buddha proclaimed Right Speech as being void of lying, gossip, idle chatter, and devisiveness. This makes total sense, as Right Speech, and Right Action are combined in the tenant of Ethics, or Morality.

The commitment, or act of Speech, whether in a conscious internal dialogue, or outward physical conversation can have an effect on ourselves, and those around us. If we are to engage in speech that is Right, which is motivated to promote unity, praise, or kindness, we have a positive effect on ourselves and others. When we take on the Action of Speech which contains the negative attributes that Buddha warns us of, we can create hostility towards others and ourselves.

I started this blog motivated by my passions for Buddhism, self-improvement, cartooning, writing, and Law of Attraction. Learning about the Law of Attraction, and seeing its similarities to the Noble Eightfold Path initially inspired me to dive into this research, and document my journey. I wanted to explore how the lay, or secular Buddhist practitioner can apply the Noble Eightfold Path to winning at ones goals, facing everyday challenges, and improving ones self-esteem. 

As someone who lives by the mantra, "be better than you were yesterday," I try to learn and adapt everyday. Sometimes constantly... and admittedly, with little success.  As a result, I feel that this blog itself should adapt in the same manner. As John Lennon sang in his song, Beautiful Boy:

"Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans."

I realized that, for me, Right Understanding is perhaps the most obvious step. I readily accept, and recognize everyday the origination of my suffering. Which is usually from my own actions. Right Thought turned out to be easier than I once believed. I learned that I could be mindful of the negative thoughts and guide them elsewhere. I learned that the dark, weird, or fretful thoughts will just ebb and flow, and if I put my foot down, they will be temporary visitors. They'll soon leave and be replaced with more pleasant thoughts thanks to creative visualization, and rationalization.

Now this is where Right Speech soon became a bigger challenge than I anticipated.

Despite Speech and Thought being separated within the tenants of Ethics and Wisdom, respectfully, they both seem to be quite intertwined. One who thinks negatively, or has a negative outlook on life tends to speak negatively. One of my favorite books, which I have referenced here before, The Magic Of Thinking Big by Dr. David J. Schwartz, speaks to this point very eloquently:

“Words are the raw materials of thought. When spoken or read, that amazing instrument, the mind, automatically converts words and phrases into mind pictures. Each word, each phrase, creates a slightly different mind picture… the pictures you create determine how you and others react.”

This is where my struggle was during my time of contemplation and application on this subject. I was in a place where Right Mindfulness, and Right Speech were not working together in my favor! The stress of work was getting to me. As I am a firm believer that we create our own environment, I had to remind myself that it was no one’s fault but my own. On the outside, it appeared to others, and even myself, that I was frustrated, and irritated at the actions of some of my co-workers and employees. When, in reality, when I was able to objectively analyze the situation after the fact, it was myself that I was truly frustrated with. I had to ask myself, “How could I have prevented these mistakes from happening?” “What could I have done better to train my team?” “ How could I have reacted better, and how will I react in the future?”

This is where I believe that Right Speech is not just a rule to be practiced outwardly. It begins as an inner dialogue. We can’t think and feel well, if we are not speaking well to others, and to ourselves. Just as George Carlin once said in his 1992 stand-up special, Doin’ It Again:

“…we do think in language. And so the quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.”

As a business manager, I try my best to practice this. I believe that the example you set is as powerful as the actions you expect from others. For instance, I once worked with someone who would arrive late for work each day with shoulders slumped, and looking like he had already worked twelve rough hours. Instead of the pleasant, motivational greeting one would expect from a leader, he would immediately inform everyone of the tough morning he'd already had, and how bad the rest of the day would be for him, and everyone else. When he would remind us all of the bad day we were having, I would point out that the challenges we had were an opportunity to show our resilience, and our motivation towards success. In addition, I would give him "homework" in the form of two daily routines, which I personally found helped me with my stress, and productivity.

Those routines were as follows:

1.     Wake up early to allow time to set the pace for the day, so that rushing around to get ready does not cause unwanted, or unneeded stress. During that extra time, take a moment to reflect on gratitude, visualize accomplishing the top three priorities for the day, and most importantly, say to yourself, "I'm going to feel great today!"

2.     Before going to bed, conclude the day by reflecting on the day’s accomplishments, and what there is to be grateful for, and how tomorrow will be better. Moreover, tell yourself, "I'm going to feel great tomorrow!"

Of course, he laughed off this assignment with a flippant, "okay, whatever, Paul!"

As a result, things did not get better for him. He continued his negative speech, and thoughts, at the cost of his career.

I give this as an example of my first-hand witness to the perils of WRONG Speech and WRONG Action. Right Understanding puts me on the path of recognizing these perils. Despite that recognition, why did I struggle? Why did I fall victim to anger? I eat right and exercise because I know that the opposite can lead to heart disease, obesity, and diabetes. Likewise, I know that WRONG Speech, WRONG Thought, and WRONG Action can lead to, and be the result of anger. Despite knowing that there is a better way of navigating the stresses and suffering of daily life, I still fell off of the path.

While Buddhism provides a path to the cessation of suffering, it acknowledges that we do in fact suffer, and are subject to negative conditions and emotions. It comes along with the baggage of being a human. And while, expressing your anger may feel liberating as you let out steam, it is not necessarily the most constructive activity for yourself and those around you. As Thich Nhat Hanh states:

“When you express your anger you think that you are getting anger our of your system, but that’s not true… When you express your anger, either verbally or with physical violence, you are feeding the seed of anger, and it becomes stronger in you.”

Or, as my favorite Buddhist, and Jedi, Yoda, once said:

            “…anger leads to hate... hate leads to suffering.”

Not to mention that it just makes others around you uncomfortable, and perhaps, think less of you. This was something I had to contemplate after reflecting on my failings of Right Speech, which resulted in apologies, and requests for forgiveness. Luckily, those I spoke with where very gracious and kind to accept my apologies.

Having put in a lot of hours reading, listening, watching, meditating, and studying about Right Speech, I came away with many great, and useful points, which I should have put into practice to help prevent me from behaving and speaking like a total ass! According to Geshe Tashi Tsering's book, Buddhist Psychology, afflictive emotion, like anger, are not the result of situations that occur to, or around us. They are the result of our rationalizations and attachments to our negative emotions.

The Four Noble Truths states that attachment is the root of suffering, and it is obvious that when we are attached to our negative emotions, we experience suffering. Moreover, those around us suffer as a result of our harsh words and behavior. Our words, when motivated by anger can hurt someone (and ultimately ourselves) more so than the jab of a dagger. Conversely, when motivated by the Buddhist nature of compassion, and loving-kindness, our words can bring about great benefit, relief, and happiness.

I must say, as someone who suffers from having a big mouth, of all of the teachings that I had consumed through my struggle of Right Speech, the best lesson I learned was from the Venerable Guan Cheng. As he states in his dharma talk about Right Speech, Right Speech is sometimes about saying nothing at all. Or, just like my mom would tell me:

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all!”

As always, please write to me if you have any questions, suggestions, or comments on the subject! Meanwhile, please look at a few of the great pieces of inspiration I found during my exploration of Right Speech. I hope that you enjoy them.

Venerable Guan Cheng’s Dharma Talk on Right Speech:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M30GmUYuIw8

Buddhist Psychology: The Foundation of Buddhist Thought, Volume 3, by Geshe Tashi Tsering

https://shop.fpmt.org/Buddhist-Psychology_p_726.html

The Magic Of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz, Ph.D.

https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Thinking-Big-David-Schwartz/dp/0671646788

Star Wars

http://www.starwars.com/

Right Thought... The Struggle Is Real!

A few years ago, my wife and I were at a Jodo Shinshu temple listening to the Sensei’s morning dharma talk about the Buddha’s Noble Eightfold Path. Despite his lively and articulate lesson, my wife and I could not remember the last five steps of the Noble Eightfold Path as we drove home afterwards. We were stuck on the steps of Right Thought and Right Speech. In fact, for years we would contemplate Right Thought and Right Speech, and why the most difficult (in our opinions) were right up at the top of the list. We agreed that we could learn to keep our mouths shut… some of the time… but how would we possibly govern each and every thought that popped in our heads?!

As much as one tries to be open-minded, and free from judgment, no one is perfect. Just as the wind may blow in an unexpected direction, our thoughts may also take a surprising, if not shocking, turn. I will sometimes have thoughts that creep into my head that make me wonder about my own sanity! Worse is when old memories of frustration, anger, and sadness would come back to tap me on the shoulder to say, “hi! We’re going to hang out here for a while!”

Does this mean that I am I failing at Right Thought? Should I turn in my Buddhist card if I can’t stop these unwanted guests from taking up space in my brain?

Buddha teaches in the Four Noble Truths that we must free ourselves from the suffering of attachment. He goes on to teach that the Noble Eightfold Path serves to ease our suffering. I truly felt, and still do, that I could lose much of my physical, material possessions, and still be happy. But why could I not give up these attachments to stressful memories that I had already lived and learned from? Moreover, why am I gripping on to anxieties in anticipation of things yet to, or may never, come? Why would I want to be shackled to keeping these dark artifacts in my head, but be totally fine if I lost my Superman collectibles?

Finally, I had to take a clinical approach to my understanding of the application of Right Thought. In order for me to fully grasp it, I had to see it as a utilitarian means for taking on daily challenges.

What I found to be the case was that our thoughts are what carry us. They set the tone for our day and push us into action, and reinforce positive behaviors and relationships. What I realized for myself is that we think in language, and in pictures, which are translated into feelings, and can manifest into good or poor health. This was the case for me a couple of years back as I was dealing with issues of anxiety and depression.

I recognize that everyone’s struggles are unique. I am not giving advice on how one should cope with their mental or physical healthcare. What I am presenting is simply my situation.

During my struggles, I employed what is known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Essentially it is a process of journaling and keeping record of your mood, and feelings, as well as any physical manifestations that may have occurred as a result. I would record whatever feelings, fears, or negative emotions I was experiencing. Then, later that day I would reflect on what I had written and contemplate if any of what I had jotted down had any merit. While, often, during reflection, I would find that my fears were for not, but I would still suffer the physical effects of anxiety: stomach aches, headaches, fatigue, and racing heart rate. In fact, it resulted in going to the ER a couple of times, for fear I was having a heart attack.

While CBT had its merits for me in that it allowed me to recognize that some of my worries were for nothing, it did do me the disservice of reinforcing my worrisome emotions through language. By writing everyday that I was angry, sad, scared, inadequate, or alone, it just kept those words in the forefront of my mind. They were all that I thought of.

It was not until later that I listened to motivational speaker, Earl Nightingale’s Gold Record, The Strangest Secret. That secret is simply:

“We become what we think about most of the time.”

And just as Peter D. Santini states in his book Fundamentals of Buddhism:

“Thought has an immense influence on one’s behavior… The Buddha has said if one acts and speaks with a pure mind, then happiness follows as one’s shadow that never leaves.”

So, for me I had to stop thinking about feeling lousy, and recognize that I was only reinforcing negativity by keeping those feelings as my most dominant thoughts, consciously and subconsciously.  As Napoleon Hill wrote in his widely regarded, best-selling 1937 book, Think and Grow Rich:

“Through the dominating thoughts which one permits to remain in the conscious mind (whether these thoughts be negative or positive, is immaterial), the principle of auto-suggestion voluntarily reaches the subconscious mind and influences it with these thoughts.”

I was finally starting to learn that I am the gatekeeper of my mind. I do not have to allow those negative thoughts to stay. When those thoughts peek in, I would tell myself, “cancel that thought!” and to change the language that dominated my thinking. I had to move beyond what I saw as my negative characteristics and take stock of my value. I had to create new daily rituals for myself.

These daily rituals involve self-care through exercise, meditation, and positive affirmations. My affirmations include gratitude, and creative visualization with regard to the outcome of my goals for that day. Just simply telling myself, “I’m going to feel good today!” is one of my most important routines to help set the tone for my thoughts for the day.

In his best-selling book, Psycho-Cybernetics, Dr. Maxwell Maltz, writes about the power of visualization of positive outcomes, as well as self-affirmations to achieve personal goals and improve one’s overall health and self-esteem. He writes:

“We think better, perform better, feel better, and are healthier, when we are happy. Even our physical sense organs work better.”

He goes on to write:

“Happiness is not something that is earned or deserved. Happiness is not a moral issue, any more than the circulation of the blood is a moral issue…Happiness is simply a “state of mind in which our thinking is pleasant a good share of the time.” If you wait until you “deserve” to think pleasant thoughts, you are likely to think unpleasant thoughts concerning your own unworthiness.”

In Right Understanding, we recognize the root of our suffering. Or in terms of daily living, it may be identifying an obstacle at work, a project we wish to undertake, or some form of self-improvement. With Right Thought, we are focusing our intentions on how we will overcome our suffering, or succeed at our goals. And as Dr. Maltz states, we have to make sure that our thoughts are positive, and we think in affirming language that suggests success.

  

The Buddha would say that we should keep our thoughts free of ill-will, ignorance, and desire. It could be argued that for one to want to accomplish their goals, there must be an element of desire. The desire Buddha speaks of is the cravings for physical things, lust, and greed.

We cannot want to proactively solve our problems, or be better at our jobs, or seek to be better people if not for some kind of desire. But, one must reflect on the motivation of one's desire. If your desire is for the purpose of better serving your community, those with whom you work, your clients, your family, then these are all valid forms of desire. As stated in the book, Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude by Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone, your objective, or goal should not “violate the laws of God or the rights of your fellow men.”

In summary, what has helped me in my quest for personal-betterment, is keeping my thoughts positive, and practicing daily gratitude – even for the things that may frustrate me! Turning thoughts of frustration into gratitude are helpful. Such as, “I sure am grateful to have this car,” while I am sitting in traffic. Or, I may remind myself of the contributions made by a frustrating co-worker or employee in the workplace.

Many may read this and completely disagree with my take on this subject. And, while I may not have mastered Right Thought, and I certainly have not achieved enlightenment as The Buddha had… more than likely, I never will! However, I know that my thoughts these days are happier, more positive, and more grateful, due to my daily practice. I know that my thoughts are not always right, but I am more mindful of them, as I strive to be better than I was yesterday, and the day before.